For reasons that may only become obvious to me many years later, I am doing my IELTS Academic exam soon.
For those of us lucky enough not to take this exam and those of us who may not know what it is, IELTS is essentially an English-language examination. It apparently stands for the International English Language Testing System, and is a language proficiency test for non-native speakers of English.
Let me emphasise that last part again: for "non-native speakers of English".
When I first found out that I might have to take this exam, I was mildly amused and, not to put too fine a point on it, insulted.
After many years of British colonialism in our country and English education in our schools, surely Singapore would be considered an English-speaking country by now. English is one of our official languages. And indeed it is, as we use English almost everywhere.
While it is sometimes true that some of our countrymen do not inspire confidence in our language abilities, it is also true that in the USA and UK, there are many folks there who do not speak English at all, or speak it at a very basic level (for example, a certain President of a certain country). They may not be able to pass the IELTS - a test for non-native speakers - but yet they are exempted for it, simply by being born in that country.
However, I think there is a good learning point here for citizens of small countries.
Our preferences may not matter internationally. Rather, if larger English speaking countries want to throw away their history and heritage and label Singapore a non-English-speaking country, they can do it. And there is nothing we can do about it. Citizens of a small and open country like ours have to take the world for what it is, rather than take the world for what we hope it to be.
Well, in any case, as a good Singaporean, I sucked it up and booked the test.
Being a very good Singaporean, I tried out a few trial practices and prepared for the test.
And I came to the realisation that IELTS is very difficult.
This is important, so I will state it again in no uncertain terms:
This test is not a simple walk in the park.
It is not easy at all, and mind you, I have had many years of higher education, and in fact I have taught English and History before. Several times during IELTS practices, I came close to the top score, but never once have I hit it. The top score maddeningly eluded me.
Consider my anger, bewilderment, and confusion: prior to this terrifying experience, I had been speaking English my whole life and for a brief period when I was young, even thought that I was English.
By the way, this "thinking we are English" is not just limited to me. In fact, when I was serving in the Army, a sergeant memorably castigated us for speaking Hokkien:
"Guys, please do not speak Hokkien. We are not a Hokkien Army. We are an English Army."
Naturally, we all had a good laugh at him, because firstly, we were recruits at Basic Military Training Centre, so we weren't really army material at that point, and, secondly, we are not English - we are Singaporean.
But that random episode doesn't really matter.
The broader point here is that generally, while there are some among us, especially among the older generation, who do not speak English, the majority of Singaporeans speak English.
Some even speak a unique variant of English, called Singlish, but that's another debate for another time.
But enough of the rant.
Being a good Singaporean (did I mention, Singaporeans are generally also very good test-takers), I prepared for the test, and I can tell you that I have found some strategies which I would like to share with you.
These tips and tricks can help you obtain a high score on the examination, should you unfortunately be (1) a native speaker but (2) have to take this test.
It is a truly humbling experience, and to prevent yourself from being humbled, you have to practise using some key principles.
There are actually five broad principles for success at IELTS. They are simple precepts, but they are not always easy to apply.
I'll use generous examples from how confused and silly I was, so that you can learn from my mistakes. Well, as the famous Otto von Bismarck once wisely said, “Only a fool learns from his own mistakes. The wise man learns from the mistakes of others.”
You are now learning so that you can be wise.
The first principle is that IELTS is NOT a test of your English-language ability. It is instead a test of your test-taking ability.
This may sound controversial, but it is absolutely true.
Once you have accepted this truth, you will be able to do well, because you can prepare for it. If you go into it thinking that you are a native English speaker, you will be unpleasantly surprised by the test format, the style of questioning, the fact that the listening test only gives you the opportunity to hear something once, and so on.
Prepare for it.
Be humble.
Let me just focus on the listening part.
After spending much time at work, you learn when to listen, and when not to. Generally, when your boss is speaking, you pay a lot more attention, and when it's the colleague who always gets your team into trouble, you tend to discount what he or she says. It's natural.
When you are at home, you generally don't pay full attention to the TV or social media, to be honest. When COVID-19 issues come up, you might jump up and pay attention to the figures for that brief moment, but generally you either scroll through your Facebook and IG feed - I do that - or you skip channels, in what the experts call, "channel surfing".
However, when it comes to the IELTS listening test, you really have to pay attention, concentrate, and focus on answering the questions set.
So, have no illusions about it.
For native speakers, doing well on the listening test is not about our English language abilities, but rather our ability to focus, concentrate, and pay attention to what can be quite boring texts or conversations.
The second principle is Answer The Question.
It might come as a surprise to you, but this is harder than it seems.
When the question says "using not more than two words", you use one or two words.
When the question asks you about "What is the extent of A and B", you literally pen down your points on the extent of A and B; not A or B; and definitely not C. If you didn't get the meaning of that sentence, it's exactly what I mean. You have to respond to the question set, rather than the question you are anticipating or thinking about.
This is a lot harder than it seems for the simple reason that, as native speakers, we have come to rely on cues, symbols, and other forms of communication.
It's as simple as that.
When we are asked a question in real life, we don't elaborate on the various pros and cons of a certain decision, giving examples along the way.
For example, when you are asked in real life to "Discuss if Community is a good show", you would be like the character Abed (played by Danny Pudi) if you literally talked about all the pros and cons of Community, and the themes covered; the characters' personalities; and the many, many, many movie references. You would likely be regarded as autistic Abed.
Rather, a native English speaker would say, for example, "My favourite character is Britta. She's amazing! She makes the show come alive."
If you were a certain President you would even say (and mind you, he is a native English speaker), "Community, great show. Love it."
So, the lesson here is basically that you have to answer the question posed; you have to answer all parts of it; and when you are doing the IELTS writing task and speaking task, you literally have to be like Abed - expand, elaborate, and explain every single thing you say, to respond to every single thing in the question. You must cover all the ground, and then some.
The third principle is you have to be logical.
This is related to my first point, i.e. this is not really an English test.
It's, essentially, a test.
When I first approached the reading assignment, I thought it would be a simple comprehension test. Instead, you are asked to complete tables by filling them in (taking notes); providing headers (encapsulating key points); and choosing the right words accurately.
Now, these are not so much a test of English, but logic. These questions test your logic.
Can you follow an argument?
Can you paragraph sentences with a logical flow?
Does your writing have a nice narrative arc to it?
Everything my former boss used to say to me (to be more accurate, I mean, shout at me) is useful in this context: "Where is your logical flow? Why doesn't this sentence link smoothly to the next one? Where is my coffee?"
The fourth principle is that you have to show off your vocabulary.
This is especially true for the reading, writing, and speaking sections of the test.
Simplicity is not beauty here. Clear, accurate communication may actually be penalised (because the IELTS folk might think that you didn't demonstrate a high level of English).
So, for example, you could write, "There are many planets in the universe. Some of them probably have intelligent life. I can believe that." This would not be acceptable.
You should write (and I swear I am not making this up, because this is literally what the examiners are looking out for): "In the vastness of space, there are many planets of different shapes and sizes orbiting massive fireballs called stars or suns. Given that there is an astronomical number of these planets in space, it is no wonder that eminent scientists have complicated algorithms that predict that there may be some of them, beyond Earth, which are likely hosts to intelligent life, or aliens. In my humble opinion, it is likely that the statement is plausible, and, as a natural result, I have come to the conclusion that I believe in aliens, and that life finds a way to exist in the universe." An Abed-y answer like this would give you a fighting chance to do extremely well.
The fifth, and last, principle is that you have to have perfect grammar.
This is the only part of the test that I can agree with, absolutely. Since it's an English test, it should make sure that you have perfect grammar, punctuation, and spelling. In fact, this is arguably the whole premise of an English proficiency test.
However, there is one implication of this last principle. It means that you have to show them that you have good grammar. What this means in practice is that you will have to use a wide range of grammatical structures to demonstrate this ability to them. For example, ...
Active voice
Passive voice
Subject verb object
Conjunctions
Subjunctive clauses
and so on.
Yes, you literally have to dig deep, and come up with sentence structures that you normally wouldn't use. The wider the range of grammatical structures used correctly, the higher the grade. Like so:
If you only used the active voice, the tester wouldn't know how good you are.
They wouldn't know how good you are if you were to only use the active voice.
Use the passive voice sometimes, rather than the active voice.
Were you to use the active voice exclusively, you would not get as good a grade, as compared to the situation where you use active and passive voices in concert and harmony. (Test yourself: which of the principles above was I using?)
I hope you found the lessons I learnt, as a native English speaker taking the IELTS, useful. If you are not a native English speaker, you might still learn something, but you would have missed the (not-so-useful) references to a certain TV series on Netflix and a certain President of a certain country in the world. You didn't miss much.
All the best as you take your IELTS, and good luck!
Thank you for reading, and cheers.
Postscript: Results-wise, I eventually got 8.5 out of 9. I wish I could have gotten full marks, but for the essay section, I genuinely did not know much about rapid urbanisation and its impact on young people. If I had known more content about urbanisation and young people, I am sure I would have obtained a perfect score. Well, hindsight's perfect! :)
Anything that interests me!
